6 days from now plus 9

Where will your life lead you in 6 days? The apex of your life, the summit, the compass, the passing. Decisions for your life on where you want to be, desires and goals all takes place on 12/12/12. Make a plan, pray, devote, and process your thoughts. What is most real to you? I know what is most real to me, and it is not this. Not my blog, not facebook, not instagram, not even my salon. It's my family, especially my son. My dearest friends, my blood, and my animals. Nothing else matters in the grand scope of things. Life has been extricated into virtual identity. How many fans, friends and followers. The powers that be have made us all into sheep. Longing to follow....

Rebel, animal, I do not follow. I lead. But in doing so I find it quite hard to be the better person. Always taking the higher road, submitting to the angers and anguish of others. I feel I want to fight back and spit in the face of adversity. Giving it a big FU at times. So what are my desires and wishes for the primordial gate on 12/12? That I live to give the life my child deserves and desires. It is not about me, it's about him. Any mother or parent knows what I mean when I explain this. I would lay down my life to give him breath! How could that not be more important than anything else?

Where are we to be in a few days from now? I have no idea. What I do know is hold on to your loved ones, say you love them, express your love, and feel love! There is nothing else, truly...nothing more than love. Having touched love, given love and received love. The quantum leap, the microcosm, the big band theory, it all equals love. Energy exchanged creating existence. Nothing else creates me but this element of life! So I say to you as I add pics to my instagram and write a blog...get real people! Feel life, experience love, touch someone's life. Meditate on where you want to be during this concourse. May it be as it should be....

With love,
your Lionhearted Mom

Thanksgiving...

I just love long weekends with absolutely no plans. It's the best, to start on Friday at 3 pm when the kids get out of school and end at 9 pm Sunday when it's bed time. No where to go, except laying around making coffee and breakfast. Watching movies in our underwear...ok Jax lays around in his underwear. I wear my yoga pants or camo shorts and a T-shirt. Living on a ranch, our only obligation is to get up and feed the horses. It's absolute bliss! Today I stayed in bed till noon watching movies and then arose to go to Jax's football game. He is playing flag football and today was his last 2 games before the big playoffs. He plays both offense and defense and is by far, on of the best players on his team! It is amazing to watch him play, all the coaches on both sides yell, "Watch #11!!" He has a good team, decent players and nice parents. I often feel like we are the Bad News Bears with the left over scrubs but we manage to score and make headway. It's all about teamwork anyway, and Jax is learning about being a leader. He's a great player, I hope these skills take him far in life.

Our life is filled with beauty and mystique. We live on a 10 acre ranch with 1 other single mom and her 82 year old mother. We treat everyone like family, her kids are my kids and vice versa. Along with that comes all the arguments, uproars, and opinions only a family can offer. I have the family unit I have been wanting for many years. Love them or hate them, they are ours. Speaking of ours, my real family is amazing! I have 2 brothers and 2 sisters and 1 amazing mom! My mom is with us today, ( thank god )due to a miraculous event that happened 6 years ago.

My mom was in her early 70's and in great health, so we thought. She came to visit us for Thanksgiving...funny it's almost Thanksgiving now. We had a great visit at my home with lots of love and family. A few days later...she was a bit edgy and out of sorts. She just wasn't herself but she was my mom, bossy and busy and I didn't think anything different about it. We had a bit of an argument over the fireplace and left overs from Thanksgiving and we got into a snaffle of sorts. I felt bad about going to bed mad at her so in the morning I vowed to make amends with her at her bedside. When I awoke, I found her sitting on the edge of the bed awake but confused. When I asked her what was wrong she said she had not slept and her left arm hurt, as well as her chest. I immediately became afraid that she might be having a heart attack. I asked if she wanted me to take her to the hospital, but stubborn as she was ( is ) she said no. So off I went to volunteer at my son's school. She called me 30 minutes later asking me to come home and take her to the ER. It was a very long day, with tests that where inconclusive only to send us home with a prescription for anti-acid medication. Several hours later and several phone calls to loved one's, we thought all was well until.............

My mom collapsed in my son's room at 8:30 pm. I heard her slam on the floor knocking the floor heater over in a giant crash! I ran back to the room to find her fixed and dilated. She had no heart beat, no breath signs, she was dying right before my eyes! What to do?? I was frozen, afraid, alone..... I had only one question in my mind with only one answer. "If you don't do something, she will die right here before you!" So I did what she taught me, I called 911 and performed CPR. For 11 minutes I pumped my mom's chest with fear, love and prayer. It was and is the most terrifying moment of my life. I can not express that enough, I can't even believe I am writing this.

The ambulance arrived at 8:41 and medics rushed into my home on Dec. 1st, 2006. I was a total mess, my son was huddled on the couch holding his stuffed animal, Dave the Dog. They began working on her and by the time they took her out of the house they explained to me she had a pulse. In the meantime, I called my sister and she was on route to my house. They arrived just as the ambulance was pulling out and we jumped in her car and followed them to the hospital. It was the longest ride of my life. As we arrived we watched about 8 people hover over her working on her. The cardiologist on call arrived and began his assessment. He informed us he had no idea if she would pull through and at best, with brain damage. We went into the ER waiting room, where by now most of our family had begun to arrive. We huddled in sobs and prayer pleading for her to pull through. The nurses came to get myself and my 2 other sisters to bring us to her bedside in the ER. She was in a coma and posturing which we thought was her trying to speak. We learned later, decorative posturing is just an auto response of the muscles in the body reacting to a near death event. We held her hand and sang to her. We didn't leave her side until they took her to get a Cat Scan to see if she had a stroke or any brain activity. They explained they would come back for us once she was settled into the Cardiac ICU. When they brought us back a half hour or so, we walked into her room to see her ( to our astonishment ) sitting up and looking around! She was very confused but seemed to have this weird smile on her face. She looked at us and smiled. "What's going on?" she asked. We just held her hand and tried to stay clear off the doctor's and nurses. After the Doctors explained what happened, she now faced an uncertain destiny. Would she have any memory, would she be brain damaged, would she face open heart surgery. My sister's and I held vigil at her bedside for a week straight. Each taking turns sleeping in her room and listening to her banter all night long about this and that. She literally had no short term memory so every 5 minutes,"Where's my glasses?" "Mom" I say, "You don't have your glasses here." "But I just had them a few minutes ago??" she would say in childlike desperation. Finally I asked my best friend Isa to just drive to my house and find her glasses for her. Apparently when your sodium levels drop so low, you have no short term memory. After a week, she had her procedure, angioplasty, to determine the severity of the heart attack.  Lucky for her she had only minimal blockage in a couple smaller arteries which they could repair with stints. The main artery needed some more repair but she was able to avoid open heart surgery. She was only here visiting for Thanksgiving and she had already missed her flight home. A few more weeks in recovery and then home to my sister's house until she was cleared to fly back to her home in Montana. All in all, she was here for 6 weeks.

It is clear to me (and her) that this was nothing short of a shear miracle. How could someone drop dead with no heart beat or oxygen for 11 long minutes? The CPR I performed kept her blood moving which was filled with oxygen which kept her organs alive. CPR saves lives, and now it's known that just doing chest compressions are more important than mouth to mouth. Something like 40 chest compressions to 1 breath. I am so very thankful for the 911 dispatcher that was with me on the phone that night. Through my hysteria and cries, she helped me hold it together. I don't know how I managed to do what I did, but through the grace God she is with us to this very day! I am very thankful for my family, arguments, uproars, opinions and all. You never know when they will leave you, and your last contact may have been an argument. Never leave a loved one on a bad note, make it right. Even if it's you that has to apologize first. You may not have a second chance. Embrace your family this Thanksgiving, and if you haven't talked to them in a while, pick up the phone and make the first move. Your heart will be filled with love and forgiveness!

Have a happy (and healing)Thanksgiving!!

2012

Hello again...
I am returning to this blog in search of fellow felines raising their cubs! It is 2012 and we have re-elected our President for a 2nd term. Where do I find myself as a single mom, business owner, and a single lady?? Alone again, actually! The end of 2012 brings new hope, new fears, new inspiration and new possibilities. I have had one heck of a year struggling with down-sizing my company, starting middle school, surfing dating websites and thinking about the future. I have entered the land of the lost....I am in nowheresville. I know nothing about my son's teachers, although he is doing well with a B average. I know nothing about dating...Zoosk really? I know nothing about what makes employees happy, well maybe a little. Lets's start with middle school-

Middle school has been great so far, although you drop them off and cross your fingers they'll do well. It's a slop shot of what teacher they will get and when they get them...good luck touching in with them. Portals, emails, teacher websites, what ever happened to standing at their door after school to talk to their teacher? Anyway, no girlfriends yet. I guess that's a good thing! He attended his first school dance and stood with his hands in his pockets the whole time. No fist pumps, no head banging (not like I haven't shown him), no cuss words. He impresses me with his ability to stand back, observe but yet still be engaged. We are almost half way through 6th grade but where are the monkey bars? I remember swinging from those with a dress on! I had more than enough boyfriends by 6th grade! So many things have changed, college prep tutoring, Kumon, and spirit week. At least he has a new best friend and seems to be adjusting well.

The sore subject....dating. The only reason I am even looking is someday I will be alone. For the past 11 years I have been very busy raising an awesome kid! But before I could blink he will be roaming off to find chicks or cruise in his car. I need something, or someone more than my computer, business or facebook. Let's be real, human interaction is where it's at! I have a slew of girlfriends, married and unmarried but they still don't want to sleep with me or hang out all weekend! So I resort to the internet, but I still can't commit! Responding to winks, chat requests, back and forth "let's do coffee" requests. It is tiring and somewhat boring in my opinion. I want to meet someone organically like in the market or walking the dog.  Whatever happened to getting set up? I would love for a friend who knows me well to set me up with someone! Some say I am too unapproachable but I don't buy it. Maybe I am just not that into them! Ha! So life goes on, with 1 night a week out being social in hopes to meet him, but until then I am just fine!

The business world as we know it at the end of 2012? It is as big of a mystery as the Mayan Calendar. Some say it's up, other's say it's down, some say it doesn't exist at all. All I know is what is in front of me, and it is a whole new land of uncertainty. Taxes going up, revenue going down, customers going south, employees going north. Who knows right now? I am small which is such a blessing! I can make it with 1 employee or 10, but to grow? Not sure about that. Even the fat boys (and girls, no sexism here!) are closing shop. My poor Hostess, just liquidated today. A total American icon! So sad that companies cannot prosper in America in 2012. Back in the day when we had monkey bars, businesses were lighting up like the 4th of July. Now? They are burning down like Benhgazi! Just my perception, no political props here!  After all that, I have hope, determination and fortitude. Why, because I am lionhearted of course! ( my son btw laughs when I say that! ) Plus I am a camper and a survivor, I put my faith and my life in the land and in my own hand!

Where are you?

Day 31 - Our last day in Stanley...

Sunday July 31st was our last day in Stanley. We woke up and meandered over to Isa's cabin to find our friends from Langhorn Slim hanging out trying to find out what to do for the day. Some of the band members were heading back to their hometowns until they headed on to their next tour destination. Sean the singer and Jeff the bassist where remaining on for the day to see the sites and play a little jam party at the local Peaks and Perks coffee stand. We invited Jeff to join us for an afternoon of fun. We begun our day with a trek down to the local hot springs, Sunbeam Hot springs. The springs are located off of I-75 east of Stanley about 15 miles. It is a natural spring along the Salmon river and offers a few river bed pools formed by natural river rocks. We all trekked down and found a solo pool uninhabited and jumped in. The water was extremely hot in spots that were briskly cooled by the chilly river water. It was beautiful and sweet, we all used the river sand as exfoliant to give ourselves a good scrub. Jeff was right at home with our mud and sand therapy! After a good soak we drove off to Redfish Lodge for an afternoon of music on their lawn, a nice singer named Carrie Rodriguez. It was beautiful weather and the crowd was a nice mix of hold over festival peeps and Stanley vacationers. I reserved us a nice place on the lawn up front and waited for Isa and crew to arrive. It was a different vibe then they crew wanted so after the first set we decided to head back to town and find the jam party at the coffee stand. When we arrived, it was just getting going so we decided to go back to the cabins and come back after dark. It was nice to finally chill at the cabins along the riverside and enjoy the peacefulness of the Sawtooths. When we later returned we found Jeff and Sean jamming with a few other musicians and had an intimate show with about 40 other people. The owners of the coffee stand regularly put on this party the day after the festival for the remaining band members and local musicians. It was a very nice event with free beverages and music. I had the 2 boys and my boxer dog in tow so after an hour or so, I knew it was all they could take. The boys didn't have much to do and my dog got into a bit of a scuffle with a husky, so we returned to the cabins once again. I felt that my Stanley adventure had reached it's peak of satisfaction and I was ready to get to bed early. The next day we were driving on to make our way home. It had been a long month on the road and all's I could think about was home. I missed my bed and my cat, who had lost her brother while we were gone. Home was calling and I was ready to answer. It feels equally as good to leave as it does to return. Funny as it may be, there is no place like home. My adventure of a lifetime was nearly over and I was so thankful for the opportunity. I don't know if I'll leave for this long again but I am extremely happy I was able to manifest this gift. Spending a summer with your children is a precious gift, one I will cherish for a lifetime.

Thank you for going on this journey with us, I plan to continue writing about our future adventures, challenges, and conquests.
Please stay tuned for more! Including back to school, winter break and more!!!

Be a Lionheart at heart!!!

xoxo!

Day 29 and 30 - The Festival...

The last few days in Stanley were amazing! We spent Friday afternoon on an incredible horseback ride with our new friend, Jeannie. We took all 7 of us out for an hour ride above Redfish Lake in the warm sunlight. We made a late afternoon reservation and our awesome guide told us funny stories, sang us songs, and gave the boys directions such as, "Straighten up and get that horse moving!" Jax and Columbus did pretty well considering it was the first time in the saddle alone without a lead rope. The views were spectacular and stunning and we couldn't ask for a better ride. Jeannie was nice enough to book us the last ride of the day so she extended it by a half hour. After our ride was over we had to scurry back to the cabins to get ready for the first night of the festival. This was my first time attending the festival so I didn't quite know what to expect. I have been to several in California including 10 years of Reggae on the River. This was the 6th year of this festival growing from a few local bands jamming together with the local river guides to over 3000 attendees and a dozen or more bands from Colorado to Oregon. Upon arriving we saw a huge stage set up against the majesty of the Sawtooth's! I have never seen a better backdrop for a show!! We entered and trekked around looking for a friend of Isa's who had rockstar camping on the grass of the concert bowl. I was able to locate her by Isa's description, "She looks like she could be our sister, ok." She was right, there Jennifer was with her rugged camo shorts, tank top, blonde hair and cowboy hat. I introduced myself and the next thing we knew, we were set up with our tent in front of hers. There were plenty of vendors selling burgers and wraps, and a few selling twirly toys for the boys. The first band was pretty good, kinda a twangy knee slapping sound, then a band that sounded like Johnny Lang followed by a blown out performance by More Than Lights! If you like Black Eyed Peas with a lot more funk, soul, and reggae, these guys and gal are the bomb!! That party was moving and swaying with even a little crowd surfing going on. We ended the night after the show returning to our cabins down the road for a little late night giggle and well needed sleep.

Saturday started off slow but I wanted to get back up to the festival to check on our stuff we had left the night before, but not until we stopped at The Stanley Backing Co. for a delicious breakfast. The weather had been fairly hot up until now and I thought I wouldn't be able to handle a whole 12 hours out in the blazing sun. While we were enjoying our scrumptious meal, the clouds began to roll overhead. Stanley Backing Co. is almost always packed with a line extending out into the road. So needless to say, we were sitting outside as the sprinkles came down. We noticed a few people picked up their food and headed for cover but not us. We were too hungry to move and seeing how the food had just arrived, we were in the midst of a serious food session. The sprinkles turned into pelting rain but that did not detour us. Why? Why we are Lionhearted of course! (Jax grimaces whenever I say that line ;<0) After breakfast the rain slightly subsided and we headed up to the festival. The cool cloud cover quickly turned into burning sunshine that we thought would never relent. The bands that started off the day were very fun, including our personal favorite, The Snook Twins. By mid afternoon the sun was beaming down on us and we had little shade cover. Then almost out of nowhere came a thunder storm with dark clouds, lightning, and cool rain. We were so happy to have a few moments of shade and dampness, then the blaring sun returned. We hung out dancing and frolicking until again suddenly, a black ominous sky was lurking in the distance. On stage arrived the show's promoter warning us to stay away from the stage at least 50 feet due to coming lightning. She began to tell us that the safest place for us was in our cars but not to worry, the show was just being delayed not cancelled. So we gather as much stuff as we can and take off for the car. I have never been in such a storm, the rain was sideways with flashes of light every few seconds. Mind you, we are on an open field at a very high elevation where lightning typically touches down. The boys and I huddled in our car and decided we weren't going back, there was no way the show would go on....

We all retreated to our cabins once again and waited out the storm. By this time it was 9 pm and it wasn't going anywhere fast. Around 11 pm, I was awoken to Isa and Anouk trying to sneak out the cabin, "Hey, wait for me!!" I said as I jumped out of bed. We had heard a few bands that played earlier where playing at some of the local taverns so we were off on our next big adventure to find some music. We made our way to downtown and found our friends waiting to get in to the Rod and Gun Saloon to hear Langhorn Slim play. They were the festival headliners that were being relocated to the tavern. When we finally made it in, the band was standing on a small platform in the corner surrounded by a hoard of fans. They had been kicked off the main stage because the bar's regular Saturday night crowd wanted to listen the the jute box. Then the band was moving the jam out into the streets and there was word that the festival was back up and running on generators. As we were standing in the street, I noticed the band looked a lot like a group of guys I had seen hanging out earlier at our cabins. I had said hi to them while I was taking my dog out for a moment of relief. I had also passed this guy in the parking lot that I thought looked like a funky fisherman with his goofy cap, high waters and boots. Little did I know, the band was staying in the cabins next to us! So I went up to one of them and said, "Hey! Your our neighbors down at Jerry's!" They quickly recognized me and in the scramble to figure out what to do, I offered that we all go back to our cabins and have our own little jam session. However, they were obligated to the show promoters to give it a try up at the festival. Off we all went, with the bassist Jeff tagging along in Isa's minivan for a ride. It was now hitting midnight and we picked up a few stragglers hiking up the hill to the festival. After getting lost amongst a slew of tent sites, we finally made our way onto the main lawn. There we found our Hailey friends, Jennifer and Rebecca hanging at their rockstar campsite along with a 100 or more hardcore show goers watching a band play from the back of a pick up truck. The band playing was the second headliner, Free Peoples. They were rocking out with colored lights hanging from the back of the truck for lightening. What was intended to be a large concert with thousands of people, turned out to be a private show for only a few lionhearted souls willing to brave the storm! We hung around until I finally had to give in and ask Isa to take me back to the cabins. Then off Anouk and Isa went, back to the festival until twilight. I was so wound up I had a hard time falling asleep, but sleep sounded like such a sweet song to me right now. It's been an incredible 2 days, what a wild and fun ride! I have one more day in Stanley before heading home. What adventure will tomorrow bring??

Day 28 - Hello Stanley...

Woke up on Thursday morning and looked out into the bright blue sky above the Sawtooth Mountain Range. It is absolutely gorgeous here! I meet up with Isa and the girls and we decide to go explore a little lake they found off on a dirt road the day prior. We take a 25 minute drive down 75 towards Galena and take a right heading to Petite Lake. After eating a few miles of dust we arrive at a beautiful serene lake with glass for water. It is crystal clear and reflect the Sawtooth's like a photograph. We spend the afternoon relaxing and looking for rocks, while Jax and Columbus find a couple of logs to float on. We head back into town but not after a quick stop to check out Redfish Lodge and Lake on our way back. This lake is a local legend and named after the blood of the sockeye salmon after it makes it's long trek back from the Pacific to spawn. Then we head back for a nap and to get ready for the street dance. We hear a band named The Trisha's from Austin are playing. We get down to the street dance and wander in to this block long dirt road also know as downtown Stanley. I am instantly greeted by Jeannie from the party crash the night before. I am surprised she recognizes me because it was so dark the night before. But she does and gives me a huge hug and waves over Sonia. We feel like long time friends and so welcomed in this town of 100. After the dance we take the kids back to the cabins and return downtown to join the open mic at The Kasino Club. It is an interesting mix of young country kids, early festival arrivals, and good 'ol boys. It was nice to see the Trisha's join in on the open mic and sing a few songs including ACDC's "Big Balls" Totally fun and hilarious! I scope out the pool table for some local shooters and quickly get myself into a game. I won the first one but was beat by a local dude that was extremely drunk but could still shoot as straight as an arrow. Well, we're all tried so we head back for some sleep before our big day on Friday, which is the first day of the Sawtooth Music Festival. My head was still buzzing from all the action when it hit the bed, I did my best to get a good night's sleep. Oh, and it is also Anouk's 25th birthday tomorrow so we have to celebrate with her like good Aunties do!

Day 27 - Goodbye Missoula...

I have been off the grid since leaving Missoula on Wednesday, July 27. I will try to catch you up with the last week as quickly as possible. Leaving Missoula is never easy. It is just such a cool and easy town. I agreed to meet my Mom one more time down at Caras Park for the Out to Lunch event. Jax and I also wanted Columbus to experience the Carousel, Dragon Hollow and Brennan's Wave. We arrived around 11 and had a bite to eat and then showed Columbus the sites including the Herky Jerky's. After a few pictures with mom and a long hug goodbye, we were off to meet up with friends in Stanley, Idaho. The drive from Missoula to Stanley is only about 4 hours and is incredibly scenic. You pass through Hamilton and Darby before heading over the Lost Trail Pass. After that you are in Idaho and the landscape instantly changes. You no longer feel on top of the world with a vast sky above. The hills become less green and cast more of a desert feeling. This is the land of Lewis and Clark. The explored Idaho and southern Montana and there are plenty of historical landmarks to stop and read. Once you hit Salmon, Idaho and head towards Challis, you turn west on 75 and follow the Salmon River all the way to Stanley. Here the landscape becomes plush and rich with river life. I love the drive into Stanley from all directions; Challis from the east, Boise from the west, and Sun Valley from the south. We arrived in Stanley around 4 pm and went to find our friends at the cabin. They had not arrived yet so we waited a few and then we were reunited. I haven't seen my best friend Isa in a month and it was a warm welcome. We immediately got down to business, monkey business that is! We started in with a glass of wine and a few laughs and before you knew it, we were crashing the bonfire party across the street. I heard the guitar playing and saw the fire, and thought, "We should go over there." So Twyla, Isa's 17 year old daughter and her friend Tatianna agreed to come with me. We told the other's we'd whistle back for them if it looked fun. So here we are, me and two 17 year olds, wandering into a small intimate party of about 7 people. 2 of them were young handsome cowboys playing their guitars. One of them looked like a young Elvis but sounded like Johnny Cash. The other people turned out to be Sonia, the president of the Chamber of Commerce and Jeannie, the head wrangler for Mystic Saddle Ranch. We were welcomed in with open arms, especially after sending the 2 girls in first to ask, "Can we join your party?" Those 2 young cowboys had no problem with that! The girls borrowed their guitars and played a few lovely songs for all of us. Eventually Isa and Anouk walked over because I forgot to whistle. We all stayed up way past our bedtime and had an amazing first night. Before leaving to head back to our cabin, Sonia had told me about the Stanley Street Dance the next day and invited us to come. Off we went to bed with another amazing day under our belts!!

And there are more to come...